January 5, 2004

Trust

We trust that the sun will come up every day because we have seen it rise again and again. If the sun popped up randomly, we would not be able to trust it.

If there are things that we truly need that do not occur regularly, we have anxiety. Regularity is essential to trust.

When we enter therapy, we have to trust that we will be safe to express ourselves honestly—without judgment, attack, ridicule, dislike, or indifference—otherwise we will not express. Even if we try intellectually to continue, there will be parts of us that will remain dissociated or hidden.

Words alone cannot create true trust. Believing words without the benefit of experience is like buying a used car without driving it. Words are just the menu, they are not the meal; words are the map, not the actual landscape. Words are useful symbols—but that's all they are.

Experience is the only thing that can prove the truth of words. A map proves itself accurate when you walk the landscape and find that the rivers and streams are indeed where the mapmaker indicated.

So when we consciously engage the healing process, no degrees, certificates, bios, recommendations, or verbal assurances can prove that the "expert" before you will meet your needs. No doctor, chiropractor, bodyworker, naturopath, homeopath, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist can present you with words, written or spoken, that can take the place of your experience of the person over time. Only with time, repetition, and regularity, will you have a chance to discover a reality that you can trust.

So take your time. Be cautious. Be doubtful. Be inquisitive. Dip your toe in the water as many times as you need. Let steadiness and regularity develop genuine trust—and the safety necessary to open up and heal.

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